We visit Children’s Hospital in Seattle and donate some gifts to the hemotology/oncology clinic. We were able to meet with Dr. Geyer for a minute or two. I was excited to hear from him that progress has been made at the Olson lab in growing DIPG stem cells. This progress has been possible because of tissue donations from children like Mara.
Natalie’s first grade class made these beautiful butterflies to decorate the entrance of the gym for the Mara’s Day Celebration at AJ Elementary.
We run into Jenna and her mom at the cemetary on the 26th. This shot of Jenna about breaks my heart every time I look at it but its just so sweet that I wanted to include it on this post. She has endured so very much. I know Mara is proud of you, Jenna!
Katrina, Maren and Natalie take a shot by the birthday banner from the Whites.
Even though her cake was just from Costco, I know she would have loved the huge rainbow and puffy clouds.
All the kids help blow out Mara’s candles.
It’s been a few weeks since Mara’s birthday but I just wanted to write a little more about the day. I think I fool myself into thinking that these milestones get easier. I didn’t feel emotionally unprepared but it’s moments when I feel “strong” that I get caught the most off guard. I found myself having a lot of random emotions- anger, frustration, extreme sensitivity- and feeling confused as to why I’m not just plain said. I think that grief can manifest itself in multiple ways and just make you downright confused. When the day was over and done it was for the most part a good day. We were blessed with over 20 family members at our home. That doesn’t happen very often and I thank Mara for making it occur. She certainly continues to draw us all to each other and for that I am very grateful. While her birthday felt like a party, it didn’t really feel like HER party. Having a party when the guest of honor cannot be photographed or videotaped is an unusual concept. However knowing that her spirit was perhaps enjoying time with us is enough reason for me to continue celebrating in true birthday fashion.
Mara, I thank you for the ways you’ve changed me. I feel like a much less judgmental person and certainly more aware of others than I have ever been in my life- even if I don’t always know how to express it. I recogize that I am a more patient mother. On days when I’m just tired or frazzled, getting worked up doesn’t really seem as necessary than it did in the past. I mean, really, we’ve survived so much worse than the little blips that come and go. I notice more the joy and the pain in myself more. Thank you for these gifts.
I had a thought I’d like to share the other day when I was at church choir practice. We were singing a song about the Savior in preparation for Easter Sunday. One part of the song was about Jesus’ death on the cross. We discussed that this particular part of the song would be sung with reverence but not with volume or vigor. You see in our faith, we have a very strong focus on the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, not just on His death. Yes, His death is important and most certainly part of God’s plan for us. But the Resurrection is the pivotal concept in the Gospel. Because of the Resurrection death is not our slave. That is why you do not see crosses on our church buildings. While we know that Christ’s death was agonizing and awful, it is not the focus of our faith- our focus is the Resurrection.
For me, remembering this was so important. Sometimes I get caught up in the dramatic way Mara died. It was heart wrenching and slow and pure agony to watch. But it is not the most important thing. I know that to be true. I know that the joy I have for the free gift of the Resurrection is becoming more full each day. That joy is what gives me hope and makes me want to be better. I know that this separation is not forever. Christ has won the victory for me. I don’t have to do anything myself. He died for Mara. He died for all of us! I hope that in time Mara’s death with be much more understated than the life that she is currently living and has yet to live. Her death was important but it is not the end of her. How blessed I feel for that small insight from ward choir practice!
Heather, I just love this photo of Mara. She looks like an angel. I appreciate your words here, especially on the resurrection. I needed that reminder to see the bigger pictures. I haven’t lost a child, but I’ve lost both my parents and sometimes the grief is overwhelming. I especially wish my Mom was still here, I could sure use her advice. What a blessing it is to be reminded that this separation is only temporary. I will see my parents again. I am so grateful to the Savior for this gift!